Relationships are difficult, and sometimes we feel that it would be much easier to just not be in one. Some may choose a life of being single and not being held down by a relationship and that’s fine, that’s totally normal. For me however, I like being in a relationship, but only if I picked the right partner for me. I’m currently in a long-term relationship and so far everything has been smooth sailing. We do argue from time to time but we tend to end the end with a smile and a hug. We normally don’t go to bed angry at each other and we’ve kept that up for more than 2 years now.
Just being physically attracted to someone should not be the only reason why you are in a relationship with a person. It should be deeper than that, so I’ve decided to write about the top 5 things to look for in a long term relationship.
1 – How are they with their parents?
When choosing a long-term partner, you should see how they interact with their parents. For example, do you see them arguing a lot with each other? If you do notice this with the person you are trying to date, be warned that this is a big red flag. If their relationship with their parents is unstable, chances are they will start to have those same feelings towards you down the road.
In the beginning it may not show up as much, but slowly they start arguing with you for the most benign reasons. Be aware of this and you will not have much of a hard time later on.
2 – How do they treat waiters/ people when you go on a date?
When going out with a potential partner, pay close attention to how they interact with servers when on a date. Are they polite and friendly or do they belittle them in front of you? If they are jerks with random people then there is a high chance that they will be an asshole to you, probably even worse because you will always be with them.
Being kind doesn’t take much effort, also please note that there is a difference between being “nice” and being “kind”. The former is more of a facade that they put up for you to get something out of you, the latter is how they truly are inside. Try to spot the difference between a kind person and a nice person.
3 – Ask yourself if your potential partner is financially stable.
Do they have bad credit? Do they blow their money on superficial things? Do they leech off you one to many times? These questions may be uncomfortable to ask your potential partner but it is important for you to establish where you stand financially. Dating someone who continually says that they are “broke” when it comes to paying a bill or for food or for gas but can drop hundreds of dollars on new shoes or a brand new cellphone without batting an eyelash can lead you to financial ruin. Run away from them as fast as possible, they will only bring you down and trap you in an endless cycle of debt and credit card payments. Keep your head above the water and stay far away from people who cannot support themselves financially. You are not their savior, keep that in your mind. They put themselves in that situation and it is not your responsibility to get them out of it. Do not fall for their sad stories, tough luck, it’s a difficult world. You have problems too, there is no need for you to burden yourself with their problems as well.
Be aware of these types of people because most of the time, they are the most charming. Do not fall for it!
4 – Let them know what you are looking for in this relationship.
Let them know what you want in this relationship early. When going on a first date, probe them with questions that you want to know the answers to. Be subtle about it, don’t just drop saying ‘I want to get married and have kids’ when you barely know the person. Ask them how they feel about getting married one day or having kids one day, if their answer aligns with yours then perhaps they can be a good potential long-term partner.
By not doing this earlier, you run the risk of spending a good amount of your time with someone who doesn’t have the same core beliefs as you do and may potentially end up breaking the relationship down the road. You must know where you stand and what you want in a relationship, it’s okay to be selfish here. We are all looking for someone that can compliment us in our life. If you both don’t see eye to eye in your core beliefs (i.e. marriage, kids, travel, etc.) then it will be a difficult road for both of you to have a happy relationship, sooner or later the cracks will start to show and before you know it, you may face a break-up or worse getting a divorce. Be smart, let them know what you are looking for in the beginning and decide if that person is worth pursuing.
5 – Forgetting to live your life.
This is a big one, when you fall in love it is so easy to get swept up in the emotions and try to make your partner happy. You start doing things that they like, going to restaurants that they love, hanging out with their friends that you start to neglect your own life and your own ambitions. You have to remember that a partner should be a compliment to your life and not be the focus of your life. You both must support each other but not be the crutch in each other’s lives. If they decide that one day it’s over between the two of you, you must be able to fight the pain and continue living your life. You cannot break down and say that “they are your world and that you cannot be with anyone else.” that’s not the right way to think of things.
You have to find things that you love, whether that’s writing or drawing or watching movies, whatever it is. Don’t be stuck in the mentality that being in a relationship is the only way you want to live. It’s okay and perfectly normal to be single and having fun. You don’t need to rush to find another lover just so you can be in a relationship again. You have to be able to live your life, if you want to travel to Italy and spend two weeks there then by all means do it! If your partner doesn’t want you to go because X reason, screw them, it’s your life and you don’t belong to anyone.
Love yourself first before you can truly love someone else.
These are just 5 things that I think are pretty important when choosing a long-term partner, your feelings and ideas may be different but I believe that if you follow the 5 reasons that I wrote above, you have a pretty good chance of finding someone that can be perfect for you.